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Reviewed by Creede Hinshaw, pastor of Mulberry Street United Methodist Church in Macon, Georgia. Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith by Barbara Brown Taylor In Georges Bernanos’s classic novel The Diary of a Country Priest, the humble cleric of the French village of Ambricourt resolves to keep a journal, recording “exactly what comes into my mind without picking and choosing.” I was reminded of Bernanos’s exquisite work after reading Barbara Brown Taylor’s latest book, Leaving Church. The only difference is that Taylor’s work is not fiction. This Episcopal priest is utterly vulnerable and confessional about loving God and loving – and leaving – the local church. She opens her heart about matters that many pastors of local congregations are too afraid to confess to ourselves, let alone to a friend, a spouse, our parishioners or the reading public. Hers is an act of great courage, a “love story,” she calls it, written with the craft of Marilynne Robinson and Annie Dillard. Taylor loves “mother church,” which is why she can so clearly describe the sadness and pain that only those inside the church can experience. Leaving Church is her story of ministry, from her days as an associate pastor at Christ Church in Atlanta to her assignment to the tiny Grace-Calvary Episcopal Church in the Northeast Georgia mountain town of Clarkesville. Along the way she experienced great personal satisfaction accompanied by weariness and wariness, resulting in her abrupt realization that God was calling her to exchange parish ministry for a career teaching religion to college students. Any pastor who has served a congregation for more than six months will recognize the life that Taylor describes: standing in the crossfire of endless cultural battles, attacking the never ending administrative duties, living out the daily pastoral challenges, presiding at and planning worship, experiencing the joy of preaching, struggling with authenticity, balancing family time with God’s call and resisting (sometimes) the temptation to think too highly of oneself. Women clergy will further identify with the added challenge many still face by their very presence as pastor. Taylor is eventually worn down by the “believing” part of the church that fixates on doctrine and is determined to force everybody to think uniformly about faith. She is much more attracted to the “beholding” segment of the church who find themselves lost in wonder, love and praise over the work of God in creation. A call to teach suddenly comes, and in a few short weeks Taylor has exchanged her pulpit for a lectern. There are times when I was convinced that Taylor had broken into my own study and ransacked my handwritten journals to find her themes, although I confess to seldom being as candid, even to myself, as she is in her book. Her story left me with a lingering question: Who did Taylor rely upon for strength during her seasons of heaviness? Who were here spiritual companions? Who kept her sane? She mentions some email support she received from a clergy friend. Were others near by to provide support? I ask these questions knowing that I have too few confessors myself. It’s true for most clergy, which is one of the true occupational hazards of our calling. Nor do I mean to imply that soul friends can forestall us from leaving the local church. But guides along the way are crucial. Taylor organizes her book by describing what she found, lost, and kept over the years. This is a profound way to assess ministry. Jesus himself pointed out the paradoxical “finding-losing” nature of faith and life. Those of us who remain in parish ministry would do well to evaluate our own journey in terms of such themes. What have I discovered/learned about myself, the world and the church? What have I lost for good or ill? What do I need to reject? What have I kept? Is it worthy of the highest to which God calls? What do I need to reclaim? “Although we might use different words to describe it, most of us know what is killing us,” Taylor writes. Maybe so. Maybe we do know what is killing us. But not all of us are so good at putting it into words. If you’re having trouble these days making the diagnosis, read Leaving Church. You’ll get more than diagnosis. Identity and clarity of call may emerge as well.
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