Inside the Leader’s Head by Virginia Todd Holeman and Stephen L. Martyn

Abingdon Press, 2008 ISBN 9780687647286 
$16.00…now $11.20…30% off until November 1

Search Cokesbury’s website for books on “leadership” and you will find over three hundred titles. Do another search on “family systems” and you will pull up another two hundred. In the name of environmental conservation alone, a publisher must have a pretty good reason to print yet another book on leadership. Too bad Abingdon sacrificed a lot of trees on other books to finally publish something as good as “Inside the Leader’s Head” by Virginia Todd Holeman and Stephen L. Martyn.

Inside the Leader’s Head does a masterful job of weaving psychological analysis and Wesleyan theology to produce a practical guide for leading a congregation. For those who are new to family systems theory, they provide an accessible and brief introduction to the subject. For those who are familiar with the theory Holeman and Martyn cover familiar terrain from a refreshing perspective that shows how these themes are connected to the Trinity and holiness.

Holeman and Martyn wrestle with the problem: “How can you lead your church without losing your soul?” By “losing your soul” they are referring to those times when you are more vulnerable to making mistakes because you are exhausted and the anxiety level is high. The book emphasizes that effective church leadership has more to do with who we are and how we relate to others than the tasks we perform.

At the heart of leadership—and the key to not “losing your soul”—is what they refer to as “relational holiness.” “Relational holiness” is the result of the transforming grace of Jesus Christ that develops in us the capacity to “maintain one’s individuality without disconnecting and the capacity to experience closeness without emotional fusion.” It involves a continuous process of growing in three interrelated areas: spiritual, emotional, and relational maturity.

Spiritual maturity is when the Spirit of Christ becomes the center of the leader’s identity and motivation. While not using this term, “theosis” is at the heart of Holeman and Martyn’s understanding of spiritual maturity. The church leader can only follow the example of Jesus when he or she is united with the Triune God which enables us to discern and move toward emotional and interpersonal maturity.    

Emotional maturity is the ability to maintain the balance of individuality and connectedness. It is marked by the ability to do three things: differentiate oneself from others, engage in self-soothing, and take on responsibility for one’s actions and beliefs.

Interpersonal maturity is the ability to be emotionally accessible and responsive. Holeman and Martyn give a detailed description of how relationship triangles and triangulation are the opposite of such maturity.

Inside the Leader’s Head makes explicit the links between these three forms of maturity that create holiness. The authors point out that self-differentiated leaders derive their identity and affirmation from Christ which in turn enables them to give freely and not out of a sense of guilt or resentment. The leader who is attuned to the Holy Spirit will sense when the Spirit is leading him or her to practice self-soothing so that he or she can avoid the mistakes which often come from being controlled by anxiety.  The Trinity gives us a model of healthy relationships which do not degenerate into triangles as well as giving us the source of life which enables us to discern how to lead a congregation in ways that model mature relationships. 

Ironically, we only grow in these three areas of relational holiness through the anxiety-producing events of ministry. The inevitable anxiety of church leadership becomes a crucible in which we are transformed by grace into the kind of leaders Christ calls us to be. As much as we would like to avoid the problems, we need them in order to move us on toward Christian perfection.

If there is any fault with Inside the Leader’s Head it is that the reader will come away hungry for more theological reflection. Holeman and Martyn place most of the Wesleyan insights at the beginning and did not sustain their engagement with the tradition throughout the book. Scriptural insights are evenly distributed but one would like to have seen more of the Wesleys’ insights from sermons and hymns into the nature of holiness put side by side with the lengthy psychological descriptions.

Still, Inside the Leader’s Head is worth its weight in pulp, not only for the local pastor but for any thoughtful church leader. It provides a helpful guide for sorting through personnel conflicts and it would create a welcome discussion in any committee on ordained ministry which is trying to define the meaning of mature Christian leadership.