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Reviewed by Kenneth H. Carter, Jr. pastor, Mount Tabor United Methodist Church, Winston-Salem, North Carolina Standing in the Circle of Grief: Prayers and Liturgies for Death and Dying by Blair Gilmer Meeks Each death, the wise pastor knows, is unique. The untimely death of a child elicits a different act of ministry than the end of a long life well-lived. Sometimes families are fractured in their grief; at other times they are drawn close to one another. A beloved family member has died, perhaps unexpectedly, perhaps not. Sometimes the deceased is estranged from family. If you have read this far you could add to this list. No two deaths are exactly the same. The pastor is often asked to offer a prayer in such a situation. The title, Standing in the Circle of Grief, immediately caught my attention. I could recall experiences of grief, relating to different family members and friends after learning of a death, and the simple act of calling people together in prayer, as we joined hands around a circle. This act seemed to unite us in a common loss and connect us to the source of strength and hope that would be necessary in the days ahead. Blair Meeks has taken this setting of ministry and creatively offered words that can guide the pastor in his or her speech. The pastor speaks for the community and for God, and in a moment of grief also speaks to the community and to God. These prayers and liturgies are models of prayer that are at once biblical in origin, inclusive in scope, and particular in focus. Some of the liturgies are more formal, calling for participation of family members and friends; others can be spoken by the pastor or another individual. Standing in the Circle of Grief is a helpful resource in many ways, but two stand out: “Prayers for Particular Occasions of Death” includes model prayers that are offered in the aftermath of abortion and miscarriage, suicide and the removable of life support. How does one arrive at closure, or speak to God about the death of a divorced spouse or an abusive parent? Meeks mines the scriptures for words that call us to forgiveness, freedom and new life. Prayers for the departed are different at each chapter of life: a child, a young person, a middle-aged adult, the elderly. Meeks provides prayers that voice our protest, our pain, our lamentation, our sorrow, and ultimately, our comfort. The prayers and liturgies are placed not only within the human context, but alongside the church year. “Grief and Prayer through the Church Year” situates our experience of loss in the midst of the cycles of anticipation and fulfillment, death and new life, and can help the Christian to draw strength from the worshipping community. The author also provides rich resources for the pastor who is sometimes invited to acknowledge death in settings beyond the sanctuary: in the scattering of ashes, at a vigil or visitation, upon the anniversary of a death. The book concludes with a service of healing and with a collection of prayers that connect us to the sorrows of the larger world (children of Africa, victims of violent crimes, the environment). A postscript was written after September 11, and was helpful in planning our congregation’s service one year later. We often find ourselves standing in the circle of grief, praying that God will use our words to comfort, guide and help those whose hands clasp ours. I am grateful to Blair Meeks for this pastoral resource, and for her creative and attentive response to ministry at the end of life. Kenneth H. Carter, Jr. is senior pastor of Mount Tabor United Methodist Church, Winston-Salem, North Carolina. He is author of The Gifted Pastor (Abingdon Press.)
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